HIV such a sucker!

"Everything is gonna be okay." -this is what they fucking say! NOT TRUE wasnt okay for me since.
"be positive!" (ironic how can you be positive in life if you are positive for HIV)
"dont be negative!" (same shit! im already positive)

this status is such a sucker!
im a nurse
i wanna take NCLEX
go to the USA
live my life, have my partner, enjoy disneyland, enjoy everything about being rich.
but thats not the case now.
the what should be for me is to look for an easy painless way to die.

sometimes i wonder if the DENIALISTS are really correct.
or if all of this a scheme to have the biggest health scam ever.

Now ive applied again for the hospitals.

Honestly, im torn between killing myself and killing everyone else.

Whats fearsome

In a world full of judgment

Being pozzy means a lot of criticsms, negatiivity, and the likes. 

You will be afraid of rejection and being alone.

I am goin through that every waking day of my life. 

The thought of being alone in your deathbed is very sad.

I had a lot of suicide attempts a lot of it, its just that i still dont have the bravery to do it yet. 

I hope my saving grace will shine on me before i will be overtaken by this sadness.

Im broke and this is a life im living in a third world country.